While the search of my person was going on, they asked where my car is, I told them. They asked what the vehicle reg of it was, and I told them the first part, and the fact that I wasnt sure about the 2nd part (WGX or WXG? I know theres a X and a G in there). At that point, Officer Shit-For-Brains said to his Sarge “I think hes lying, everyone knows the reg of their car”, then wondered off.
Im not sure how long I was standing for, but my feet started to hurt, so I asked if I can sit down. The officer who was holding me up just pushed me down onto my knees, on the gravel, and didnt really do anything more. I asked him again if I can sit down on my bum, because my knees hurt, he huffed and sighed, and picked me back up (Serves you right for shoving me, you wanker), and dragged me over to a police van and plonked me down on the door opening bit, and ordered 2 armed officers to make sure “he dosent do a runner” – lets see, 6 armed officers with glocks, one guy with an MP5 and they think im gunna run, while in handcufs?
After 5 or 10 mins of Officer Shit-For-Brains walking around showing various people things on my mobile phone, he approached me and said “Were going to be arresting you on Suspicion of a Section 58 – Possessing information likely to be of use to terrorists. Were doing this, because we cant really fully investigate this on the street, so it makes sense to arrest you. You dont have to say anything … ” etc etc etc, the standard caution.
They took me around the back of the same police van that I was sitting down in, and it had a tiny cell, they opened it up and shoved me in there. About 2mins later, they ordered me out, and undid the cuffs, and replaced them with another pair of cuffs, and did them really tight, to the point where my hands were throbing with pain. I told the police officer this, and he told me “Dont be a pussy”, and shoved me back in the “cell”.
Once I was in the back of the police van, they drove off, at speed, from Horseguards Parade, to Belgravia Police station – with my arms locked behind my body, practically sitting on them, it was very very painful, and I kept sliding around the back, knocking bits of my body on stuff, the 2 police officers sitting in the back of the van didnt give a flying monkeys, how lovely of them.
Once we got to the police station, I was still sitting in the back of the van, waiting, must have been for about 10 minutes. Once they decided to let me out, there were 4 PCSO’s waiting around, 5 police officers, and 4 armed officers who were waiting around, incase I decided to do a runner, inside the locked compound. I was marched upto the custody desk, infront of the custody sarge (who was a black african, approx 40 years of age), and tells him the following story
“This male approached me, on the dust, asking about police patrol routes and patrol times. He had suspicious wires hanging out of his tshirt, had bulky pockets (Had a bottle of coke in there which the fucker could see, which I took a fucking drink from infront of him), and was sweating suspiciously. I asked him what his intentions were, and I was not convinced by his story. I stopped and searched him, and found possible articles relating to terrorism on him”
The custody sarge replied with “I am authorising your detention”, then proceeded to “process me”.
After doing the usual name address occupation thing, they took me into a small room, where the two armed officers were present, with the custody sarge, and they proceeded to take every single piece of clothing off me and go through, very thoroughly everything I had on my person. They went through my wallet, they took my oyster card and wanted to see where I was going and where I had been. They took my credit cards, and proceeded to call the credit card company to see what I had spent my money on. They took my ring off my finger, saying that I could hurt one of them with it. They took my medicalert chain off my neck, saying I could strangle myself or a police officer with them. They took my shoes and took out the inner sole from it, saying that I could have hidden something in there.
They took the tissues from my back pocket (which i had sneezed into repeatedly, because of my hayfever), and said they would run tests on it. They took all my tescos reciepts (I used to visit tescos at night to buy sandwhcihes), and said they will cross reference these with my credit card.
At one point, I was taken into another room, under armed guard, and I was fingerprinted (Palm, each finger, the side of my hand and the back), and DNA was taken (swab from inside the mouth).
I started asking them questions, like “Why dont you have your guns with you?” – turns out they dont take them into the custody suite, incase I try to grab it. I kept asking them questions, because I was scared shitless and no one was talking to me, and after a while they started to relax. I heard them slagging off Sir Ian Blair saying he was a limp wristed wanker, and his handshake is that of a little girl. I dont think police officers are supposed to say that, esp infront of someone they had just arrested.
After documenting 40 something bags of my stuff (they split everything up), they took me into a cell with 3 police witnesses, and an armed police man, and made me remove all my clothing, and made me bend over, to make sure I didnt have anything shoved up my arse. I hope you got a nice viewing there guys! And sorry about farting!
They gave me white clothing, and marched me back into the custody suite, where the custody sarge asked if i had any medical problems – I told him I had diabetes, and that I wanted to see a doctor, he said that would fine no problems, and asked me to sign the bit of paper that said thats the only thing that I suffer from.
They took me to see the medical examiner, who asked for my handcuffs to be removed, and asked the armed police man to leave us alone “because I dont think this one is going to be a problem”. He told me he didnt care what I had been arrested for, and it was none of his business, but his job was to check my health. He checked my blood sugar, and saw it was a bit high (9.3 or something), then asked out of curiosity what I was arrested for. I told him Section 58, he rolled his eyes and said “Oh that one again. Loads of people get arrested and bought here for that”, and then said that probably contributed to my high blood sugar.
After a chat with him about my insulin, I was dragged back to the custody suite, when I was offered something to eat – I told them I really didnt feel like eating something, they said theyll put a sandwhich aside for me.
They took me to a cell nextdoor to where my stuff was located, and locked me up. I sat on the “bed” for about 10mins, when the custody sarge came to check up on me, and asked if I wanted a cup of tea or coffee, I told him I didn t want anything, adding “thankyou very much”, which made him smile, and I could see the pang of doubt in his eyes when he felt sorry for me.
Another 10mins gone by, when 2 guys in suits (people from Special Branch) turned up – I stood up to greet them (its manners you see), the armed police officer accompanying them shouted at me to sit down, so I did. Special branch asked what I was doing etc etc etc (I went through the whole story with them too), and they asked why I had a picture of a firearm – I told them it was my airsoft gun, that im a registered skirmisher, but they asked where it was located in my house – I told them. They asked which key on my keyring opened the door, and I told them. I then asked why did they want to know, they said they were sending an armed team to my house to search it and find the weapon. Thats when I got really defensive and said they had no right and that im a registered airsofter, to go check on the database that the govt set up. They said “We’ll be back” and wondered off.
They came back 5mins later, and they asked for my number, because they wanted to talk to my parents – I gave it to them. Im not sure why they asked for it, since I gave it to them already. The asian guy pointed to an older thin white guy and said “Hes doing you a favour ok, so dont fuck us around. He dosent have to do this, but he thinks you are genuine, ok? Is there anything else youd like to tell us?” I said “Yeah, im really sorry iv gotten into trouble and im really sorry for getting this far” – actually I was fucking livid because the fucking wankers locked me up for no reason!
Continued in part 3…